This week’s article is the second part of a two-part series on the worst dating mistakes made by singles.
These are the kind of mistakes that seem obvious when you look back, but are completely invisible when you are in the thick of things. Hopefully this list will help you avoid making these mistakes yourself.
Last week we talked about the following dating mistakes:
- Hiding who you are to fit into a relationship
- Confusing the trappings of love for real love
- Blaming relationship mishaps on the other person
- Not allowing time to heal between relationships
- Attraction means you are meant to be together
Here is part II of worst dating mistakes made by singles:
1. Giving too much personal info too soon
Thanks for this dating mistake to Shannon C., one of our readers.
Honesty is always the best policy. But too much honest, personal information is a great way to spoil a date and a possible connection. Too much info too fast is likely to leave both of you feeling awkward, with one or both of you wanting to leave the situation.
Looking back, once you are in a loving relationship, you will realize that: The reason for keeping deep personal info private is to allow the other person time to build a relationship with you. A relationship is like a ceramic vase. The more time spent building it, the stronger and more beautiful the vase is and the more info it can handle without breaking.
2. Seeing people for whom you wanted them to be instead of who they are
Have you ever started to date someone, think he or she is perfect, if only he or she made more money, got their life together, got rid of addiction / parents / old relationship / etc.? Did you try to change the person into your perfect image of them? If you have ever done this, you know this does not end well.
Looking back, once you are in a loving relationship, you will realize that: The people who want to grow and change will be the first to tell you what they are working on to grow and change. They don’t need you to be the agent of change. If you try to move someone in a direction they are not interested in going, it will take all of your energy to move them. Even then, you will likely fail, because it is your direction, not theirs. Better to love people for whomever they are.
3. A relationship is all you need to be happy and to have a complete life
This is not so much a dating mistake as a singles mistake. Thousands of singles are searching for a relationship, feeling as if it is their one key to a happy, fulfilled life. Meanwhile, they are robbing themselves of that happy, fulfilled life as it slips away day by day.
Looking back, once you are in a loving relationship, you will realize that: Although love is extremely important, it is not the one thing that will fulfill you, complete you, satisfy you. The minute you really do create a truly fulfilling life, you will attract love.
4. Making people wrong for who they were from the start
Bet you have done this one. You start dating someone and money is not important to them. Later you get angry because the person does not manage or have money. You get into a relationship with a person who tells you he or she is not interested in a committed relationship, but only wants to date. Later you feel frustrated and angry because you don’t have a committed relationship. The list of examples can go on and on.
Looking back, once you are in a loving relationship, you will realize that: People tell you who they are, what they want, what they will and will not do and how your relationship will turn out right from the start. They will not tell you this info verbally, but they will tell you nevertheless. You would do well to listen and believe them.
5. Going too fast into a relationship
I talk about this dating mistake all of the time, because it is prevalent in our culture and encouraged by the way media portrays love. Simply said, you cannot build a relationship in 24 hours, a week or even a month. Even if you believe the two of you are meant to be together, you would do well to ignore that feeling and build your relationship slowly.
Looking back, once you are in a loving relationship, you will realize that: A relationship is like good wine or a fine piece of furniture or a flower or a house. You simply cannot rush the process and if you do, you and your partner will suffer the consequences.